Case Départ?
Click here to return to the article...

News of the World
What's wrong with the world today!
01-12-1996

Passengers on a circle line train were lost by London Underground yesterday along with the whole train, despite attempts by rail officials to search the tunnels.
But they were recovered early this morning at an abandoned railway station near Iceland's capital Reykjavik.
One passenger claimed the driver had announced that there were delays on the Circle and Piccadilly lines due to a train on the tracks. But how this is accounted for their arrival in Reykjavik remains a mystery, as does how they reached the island without boarding a ferry.
London Underground say they are considering fining the passengers £10 each for not having a valid ticket for their entire journey.


Famous barber John Seville died yesterday at the ripe old age of ninety one, at Bicester, Oxon.
He held the record for the oldest practising barber in the world, ever since High-Priest and fellow-barber Hawoah Chi Minh, "The great one", of Tibet died at the age of two hundred and thirty four.
Mr. Seville always use to describe his hair as "departed in the middle".
But in 1974, after a tragic skiing accident in Switzerland, John Seville had to have both legs amputated on his return to England.
This was a complicated operation, for Mr Seville always travelled by hot air balloon.
But the handicap didn't stop him; still he went on with his business, although he was reduced to cutting hair on crutches.


A group of scientific researchers from Sweden have made a breakthrough in the realm of using drugs in medicine. Dr Mats Svenson from Stronberg says that treating patients with certain drugs that would actually cause the illness in a healthy person is perfectly safe. The technique is called homoeopathy.
In fact, the tendency towards relatively stable equilibrium between interdependent elements in an organism's internal environment, technically known as homoeostasis, especially when it is maintained by psychological processes, includes the regulation of the chemical composition of body fluids.
Homoeostasis doesn't actually have anything to do with homoeopathy, but it comes straight after it in the dictionary. Dr Stevenson believes that there is in fact no harm whatsoever in the use of drugs. He and his Swedish colleagues have been taking drugs for years now, but claim that they have remained perfectly sane, have never dreamed of ping elephants and only rarely forget their names (although it's hard to tell whether this is exactly what they said, because they were singing the Icelandic version of last year's Swedish Eurovision Song Contest entry at the time, whilst hopping on one leg and blowing bubbles). But one thing that can be said about Dr Svenson is that, like most Scandinavian doctors, after years of experience in medical research, he has retained the fresh simplicity of someone who knows bog-all about medicine.



© 1995-2007 ZeFLIP.com All rights reserved.