The virus "I Love You" which spread among the users of Microsoft Outlook mutated. Here are, exclusively revealed for you, its most active variations:

- the virus "I love you, me too": returns a mail to the sender of the virus "I Love you" expressing all the finer feelings of the recipient. The virus "I love you, me too" spreads peace and harmony everywhere it passes and induces, quite naturally, a loss of efficiency at work as well as panic in banks and on the stock exchange, since nobody seeks to play dirty tricks on the others any more.

- the virus "I want a serious relationship". When the virus "I Love You" arrives on a computer already infected by the virus "I want a serious relationship", this one modifies your calendar software and that of the person who sent the mail, placing on Fridays and Saturdays an item "See my girl(boy)friend". The virus also, without your knowledge, takes out a subscription for one year to the video club at the corner of the street and cancels all the events of the kind "Evenings between guys" or "Evenings between girls".

- the virus "Let us simply be friends". It destroys the virus "I love you" and dispatches the answer "Let us simply be friends". It gives you appointments every evening in your own bed with your wrist (/fingers!!!?) and sends reductions for packs of Kleenex (/giant dildos @ sextoysRus!!!?).

- the virus "Unsafe Sex". It spreads files not protected on each hard disk from the distant machines with which it communicates.

- the virus "Safe Sex". It wraps the mail "I Love You" in an envelope which prevents it from spreading 99.45% of time.

- the virus "Sexual Harassment". It forwards a copy of your virus "I Love You" to the head of human resources and to your lawyer, with an attachment with a threat of a law suit. This virus is programmed to accept any e-mail of settlement of more than 100 000 Dollars.

Prescott Holstein
Translated by Warner